Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
