The maid of honor just puked.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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