please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
