And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
