I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
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