Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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