How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
