I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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