she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
