if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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