Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i think i just lost a toe
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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