some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
