so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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