I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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