i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
