I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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