I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
