real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
