I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
