dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
