i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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