Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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