I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He had one of those small greek statue penises
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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