How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
