Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
