Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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