its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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