yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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