Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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