i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
