Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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