Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
