you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
