yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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