I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
