i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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