just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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