I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
