I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
