there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
