If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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