Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
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I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
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Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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