I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Still dying that you shit outside
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
