ugly people sure do ruin things
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
