Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
