Define "chronic" masturbator.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
