I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
