6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
