There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
