I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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