just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
