Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
