Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
