It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
