i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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