I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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