I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
