dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
