The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
