remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
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