My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I have demons in me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
