Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
