I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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