Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
