Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
