Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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