New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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