check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
